1. What is your best friend's Mom's name?
She always calls her Mom. I do too sometimes.
2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole?
I only notice it when checking for cancer.
3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
I ended up marrying my Teaching Assistant.
4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?
Only the ones they server popcorn in.
5. What body part do you wash first?
The stubble on the top of my head.
6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms?
I get several paper towels (1 wad with soap, 1 wet wad, 1 dry wad) and actually wash the seat off before I sit. Is that strange?
7. What's the strangest talent you have?
I can identify sulfates in extremely minute parts per square inch.
8. Do you have an innie or an outtie?
I have a nice little place to keep my salt while I'm eating celery in bed.
9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles?
Grape.
10. Have you ever been tied up? Do you want to be?
Yes. My eldest cousin once tied me to a tree and tickled me. It was quite embarrassing and I did not want.
11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for?
Jumping my red Ford Fiesta over a curb because I used to play this game where I'd get going really fast (about 35 for a Fiesta), then shift into Neutral and see how far I could coast. I coasted to the end of the street where it took a right angle turn to the left and the wheel locked. I was able to get it into gear and get the wheel unlocked quickly enough to miss the tree, but not quickly enough to miss hopping the curb and bending my strut.
12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block?
Parallel park.
13. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
My wife and I have attended more than one dinner engagement in one night, does that count?
14. How many times have you been cussed out?
23 (I actually don't know, but it's happened a few times)
15. Which shoe do you put on first?
The white one17. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
Yes. Had a great time. It wasn't on purpose, but I'd definitely go back.
18. Girls
I'm drowning in them.
19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?
Bright and strong willed.
20. Did you French kiss before you were 16?
Yes
21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?
We used to go snipe hunting in the corn fields behind the horse ranch whenever a city kid would come to the farm. That and the electric fence trick.
22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
Fran Tarkington. What? Doesn't everyone? (*just kidding, I think about my wonderful girls*)
23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you?
Most of Madonna's stuff was inspired by me.24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash?
Bath towel. I'd just use somebody else's.
25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
Have I ever found anything that wasn't questionable? Even the wall paper was dubious.
26. What was your childhood nickname?
Snood Romfitter. So by "childhood" you mean ...?
27. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Let's see, when was I last driving?
28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room?
I was a janitor for a while in college, so I did more than peek, I scrubbed the place down good.
29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
Changed into my Air Force Uniform from my civvies.
30. Have you ever bitten your toenails?
Yeah, but I prefer yours.
31. How do you eat your cookie?
Through my nose with a red and white striped plastic straw.
32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt?
No, I prefer my pants to fall down at strategic moments. That's why I wear Aquaman underwear.
33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others.
The thing with grapes and blue paint.
36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
Too many to make getting drunk a cost effective goal. I have a very high tolerance, so I usually don't bother drinking to get drunk. In fact I rarely bother drinking at all.
37. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt?
Not on purpose, but I had a cat that found that I would get out of bed immediately if he put his but near my face. He'd do either that, or lay across my nose so I couldn't breath.38. How often do you clean out your ears?
Everytime I go to the car wash.
39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper?
You know those cute little origami swans?
40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie?
I've found you don't get wedgies if you don't wear pants.41. Do you have any strange phobias?
Forms and paperwork; Arithmetic; the laughter of women; people eating while talking to me; Christmas; Easter; Flirting; David Lynch movies; The state fair
42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Define foreign.
43. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar?
Let my friend go off with a bunch of guys she'd just met. It turned out fine, but we were worried when she didn't show up until morning.
44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?
Yes, but with butter it's not so bad.
45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex's name?
Nope.
46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date?
Yep.
47. Have you ever played naked Twister?
Is that a Hasbro game?48. Have you ever been drunk at work?
I've been paid to be drunk at work. Depending on your perspective, sales is great or horrible for this and so many other reasons.
49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive?
Nope, but I did once go on a double date with my good friend, her boyfriend and her cousin and I was actually more attracted (but not enough to date her) to my good friend than her cousin.
50. Do you want to bring sexy back?
Sexy back, hairy back, either way I'm covered.